La famiglia “inconcepibile”

Abstract e parole chiave in lingua inglese: ABSTRACT: Background: Many lesbian women and gay men are parents. Most of them have conceived children in previous heterosexual relationships and marriages. Among the younger generation, more and more gays and lesbians choose to have children within their current relationship. Many of them would like to adopt, but the law does not allow it. Substantial research has demonstrated that children with homosexual parents and children with heterosexual parents develop in similar ways in terms of mental health, cognitive development, psycho-sexual development, peer relationships, and educational attainment. However, the idea that lesbian and gay people can be good parents is met with perplexity and hostility. Objective: In this article, the objections to same-sex parenting are discussed and the idea that the family is a “natural” entity and that parenting can only be heterosexual and biological is deconstructed. I will argue that there are different ways to become parents, that a family can include two biological parents or only one, or none, and that therefore the issue cannot be considered only from the perspective of “jus sanguinis” (the Latin “right of blood”). Methodology: Through the lens of scientific literature and clinical and personal experience, I will try to answer the question “does same-sex parenting harm the child?”. In this discussion, we cannot forget that ideological and sometimes virulent positions distance us from the nuances of real life. Critical discussions and conclusions: Families experience, and have always experienced, variable geometries: nuclear, adoptive, blended, extended, same-gender parents, single-parent, ecc. Sexual intercourse, conception, filiation, and parenthood as well as affectivity and marriage are not compulsorily related; family is not only a “natural product,” it is also a social and cultural construction. All this has led to a revision of the “traditional” concept of “family.” Consequently, when referring to “the family,” we should conceive of it as a web of stories, emotions, bonds, bodies, and projects, and opt to use the term in the plural: “the families”. Indeed, historians, sociologists, and anthropologists report that throughout history, the concept of “family” has continually changed. In the contemporary “cultural renaissance” of bodies and sexualities, psychoanalysis needs to benefit from the advances made in social and critical theory, feminist thought, and gender studies in order to deconstruct the “traditional” Oedipal model. The identifications between the child and his or her parents are complicated and hardly schematized. Psychoanalysis is called on to pull back the curtain and open up new perspectives, and to promote thinking that helps us to reflect on the meanings and complexities of human relationships and desires. KEY WORDS: Families, Same-sex parenting, Oedipal complex.

RIASSUNTO: Premesse teoriche: Sempre più ricerche dimostrano che i bambini cresciuti da genitori omosessuali e i bambini cresciuti da genitori eterosessuali non si differenziano in termini di salute mentale, sviluppo cognitivo, identità sessuale, relazioni con i pari e riuscita scolastica. Tuttavia, l’idea che lesbiche e gay possano essere buoni genitori suscita perplessità e ostilità. Obiettivo: Nel presente lavoro cercherò di affrontare le obiezioni più frequentemente sollevate in proposito. Metodologia: Mi consiglieranno la letteratura scientifica, l’esperienza clinica e personale. Mi guideranno una domanda (avere genitori dello stesso sesso può nuocere al bambino?), una convinzione (le posizioni ideologiche ostacolano il dibattito scientifico) e un dato di realtà (molte donne e molti uomini omosessuali sono genitori). Discussione critica e conclusioni: Le famiglie conoscono, e hanno sempre conosciuto, geometrie variabili: nucleari, adottive, monoparentali, ricombinate, omogenitoriali, allargate, ricomposte, ecc. Le trasformazioni culturali, tecniche e sociali implicano nuove definizioni anche del concetto di genitorialità. La non obbligatorietà dei vincoli che legano sessualità, concepimento e genitorialità ci porta a pensare che la famiglia non è solo un prodotto “naturale”, ma è anche, e soprattutto, il risultato di un legame affettivo e sociale. La psicoanalisi è chiamata ad aprire orizzonti laddove calano cortine e a promuovere pensieri che ci aiutino a riflettere sui significati e le complessità delle relazioni e dei desideri umani.