“I’m still your (co)parent.” Transgender and nonbinary parents’ coming out as relational negotiation with children and coparents in Italy

Background: Coming out as transgender and/or nonbinary (TNB) is often framed as a one-time disclosure, yet for parents it is typically an iterative, relational process negotiated across family roles, institutions, and children’s developmental needs. In Italy, strongly gendered parenting scripts and binary administrative systems may heighten the stakes of disclosure for coparenting and children’s social worlds. This study examined how TNB parents in Italy narrate coming out and its perceived impact on relationships with children and coparents. Methodology: Thirteen TNB parents (5 transgender men, 4 transgender women, 4 nonbinary; ages 40–69 years), all of whom became parents prior to gender affirmation, completed ~90-minute semi-structured interviews in Italian (in person or via video call); transcripts were anonymized and analyzed using reflexive thematic analysis. Results: Five themes captured patterned meaning: (1) Uncertainties and inner resistance around coming out to family, including fears of losing close relationships and of “harming” children; (2) Finding the right way and time to come out to one’s children, maintaining agency over disclosure, and tailoring explanations; (3) Children’s acceptance shaped by relational continuity (ongoing availability; being the “same person”), alongside rupture-and-repair; (4) Redefining the couple’s relationship in light of coming out, from reconfigured bonds to relationship dissolution and its relational consequences; and (5) Rethinking parenthood beyond the binary through negotiated parental designations, responses to cisnormative pressures, and accounts of becoming a “better” parent through authenticity. Discussion: Coming out functioned as a family regulation task, balancing protection, timing, and shared meaning, rather than solely identity disclosure, with Italian bureaucracy and polarized discourse amplifying anticipatory concerns, especially during separation or institutional contact. Conclusion: Findings underscore the importance of family- and systems-informed support that sustains relational continuity while reducing repeated, externally driven disclosure demands.